Unexpected
by Scrambled-Dry
Summary: The Joker never does the same thing twice, especially when he's tormenting Batman.


**Disclaimer: I only own the plot of this story, and I'm glad I don't own the Joker or Batman. I don't have enough experience and skill in character development to do them justice.  
**

Batman took full advantage of the curious lack of restraints and lunged at the Joker.

"Nuh-uh-_uh_, Batsy!" The clown held his hands up, a sick grin plastered on his face, as was his custom. "I'm not hurting _you,_ see? But if you ah, _hurt_ me…well, an innocent little girl _dies._"

"Let her go." Batman growled, suddenly remembering what happened _last_ time he said those words.

"Oh don't _worry_, Bats. She's _happy._"

"What did you give her?!"

The Joker stared at his captive."Ahh…_Kirby's_ _Epic_ _Yarn._ You didn't think –" He put a purple gloved hand to his heart, sticking out his crimson lower lip in a strangely adorable pout. "Oh, you _did_! You _wound_ me, Batsy! Ya _really_ do."

Batman wasn't buying it. "What the hell is Kirby's Epic Yarn?!"

The Joker clapped his hands, smiling like a demented three-year-old. "Oh! You'll _love_ it! But _first…_let's watch a movie!"

_He's on drugs._ Batman thought, not really sure what _kind_ of drug. "Okay. That sounds…sounds like fun."

"See? I'm not _that_ bad. I'll get drinks and _po__**p**_**-**ah-corn. Be right _baaack…"_The Joker pranced out.

Batman examined his surroundings. If he didn't know the Joker, he would have thought Piet Mondrian had designed this prison. Just looking at the stark white walls hurt his eyes! Plush carpet covered the floor, the shade of green children use to fingerpaint. A leather _loveseat_ the same shade of his trademark coat sat in the very center of the room, facing a wooden entertainment center painted the kind of red children use to fingerpaint. A 65-inch plasma TV sat in the middle. A Blu-Ray player sat next to a _VCR_ abovethe TV. He had to smile at that. He didn't dare open the drawers below. Speakers surrounded the TV. He smelled popcorn, the buttered kind with _extra_ butter. How did the Joker _know_ –

"Are you going to sit down?" The Joker said, actually sounding concerned. "How do you like the décor?" He pronounced décor as "deh-cor-ay."

"_Day-_core." The Princeton student in him blurted out. "It's French."

"I'm the fuckin' Joker, I can talk any way I want." The Joker retorted, with a hint of a not-so-Joker accent. "Now sit down."

Batman sat down, fully expecting a whoopie cushion, but the sofa turned out to be completely normal. The Joker handed him a huge orange bowl with black bats printed all over it, filled to the brim with extra-butter popcorn. The Joker had a huge purple bowl with green bats printed all over it. Judging by the lack of buttery scent, the Joker ate "healthy" popcorn. "I have to watch my cholesterol." The Joker said matter-of-factly. "Now where did I put the remote…"

"It's over here." Batman handed the remote to his worst enemy, a reflex born from years of finding the remote for Alfred.

"Why, _thank_ you." He activated the Blu-Ray player. Humming a little ditty to himself, he chose a video…

"_Cute Animals?"_ Batman gasped, nearly choking on his popcorn. He noticed the Joker pouring _Sprite_ into tumblers. "You can't drink, either?"

"Nope." He said, sounding grumpy for once.

_He's taking his antipsychotics._ Batman thought. Relief coursed through him, but also concern. He tried to put himself in the Joker's shoes, but the adorable image of a hamster eating green bell pepper distracted him. The Joker downed the Sprite like a seasoned whiskey drinker. The song began to play, and the Joker threw his popcorn bowl right in Batman's face! Before Batman could attack, the Joker began skip-hopping around the room, singing along to the song.

"_Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom…_c'mon, sing along!_"_

Batman could not _think_, let alone sing. Even the small animals eating couldn't help.

"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM…SING ALONG, BATSY!"

Remembering the innocent drugged girl, Batman began singing, or rather _growling_ along.

"NOM NOM NOM! _Sing_ Batsy! SING!"

Batman _sang_ along, praying no one would ever see this. The song didn't annoy him quite as much now, but then the hamster eating bell pepper appeared again!

"NO! NOOOO!" He covered his ears. "NO MORE!"

The Joker turned off the video and opened the bottom cabinent, revealing a Nintendo Wii.

"What now?" Batman growled.

The Joker giggled and rummaged in the box next to the Wii. He straightened and held up a game box. "Kirby's Epic Yarn!"

Batman punched the Joker in the face, breaking the clown's nose. As usual, he went down giggling. The masked vigilante ran out the door, only to hear a blood-curdling scream down the hall.

* * *

**A/N: **The "Om Nom Nom" song can be found on YouTube. I've had trouble posting links to bypass the link blocking (and I'm not sure if spacing links is allowed), so just search "Om Nom Nom Song" on YouTube. The video features voracious hamsters and rabbits eating their favorite veggies :) Epic cuteness!

Kirby's Epic Yarn is IMHO the best Kirby game _and_ one of the top 10 Nintendo games of _all_ time. I don't own it, but after watching Chuggaaconroy's Let's Play on YouTube, I could _see_ the Joker playing this just to drive Batman crazy (after all, Batman is WAY too serious) Search "Chuggaaconroy Kirby's Epic Yarn" and get your daily dose of cuteness!


End file.
